Sunday, April 25, 2010

Feeling melancholic as I inch toward my goal

I haven't blogged for a while, mainly because things have been going well and I've been content with my progress. But today I'm struggling a bit. Tonight I ate a lot more than I should have, mostly because I've been feeling a bit sad. I've been focusing so much on my weight loss that I haven't been keeping up with my friendships. I've gone through a major lifestyle change in the past few months, and for the most part my friendships have been maintained over a restaurant table. This has been going on for the better part of a decade, and now I find myself eating alone most of the time.

Another possible cause of my meloncholy mood is that my weight loss has really been slowing down. Fortunately it hasn't stopped, but I'd become accustomed to at least a three or four pound weight loss every week and this week I only lost two. I'm down to 331, and even though I've come so far I still see the long road ahead and get bogged down in worry. Will I be able to do this? What's the permanent damage I've done to my body for having been so careless with my eating? These thoughts are so discouraging, and when I spend time alone they invade my thinking relentlessly.

I'm planning to go to Philadelphia in four weeks to get my cat Ciggy from a friend's house where he's been staying since I moved back to Miami at the end of last summer. I'm so excited to have my baby Cig back with me, and I think Remington and Diego will be glad to have another play buddy around the house now that I'm working out of the house again. My current short term goal is to reach 317 pounds by the date of my trip north. This would mark a full 100 pounds down from my max weight and 85 pounds on Nutrisystem. I want to wow my friends and family, and I'd really like to take advantage of the cheaper clothes prices while I'm in Pennsylvania (and also take advantage of the fact that there's no tax on clothes, either). It'll be fun to go shopping with my mom at the outlets in Lancaster, but I hope I can fit into regular XXL shirts by then. Right now I fit into Ralph Lauren XXL, but I want to be able to fit into Haggar shirts by then, since there's a great Haggar outlet there and I really need some new shirts for work.

Well, this has been a rambling blog I know, and I'm usually much more succinct with my blogging. But I had these things on my chest and just needed to get them out. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it doesn't matter. The process is cathartic and usefull in helping me inch toward the staggared goals on my path toward achieving a healthy and sustainable weight.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

337 pounds, 24 stone, 152 kilos

Today marks 65 pounds lost in just three months on Nutrisystem (and 80 pounds lost overall since 2009). As of today, I weigh 337 pounds (that's 24 stone from my Brit buddies and 152 kilos for the rest of the world). My ultimate goal is to lose 200 total pounds overall - I'm basically trying to halve my weight from the original 417 - so I've still got a long way to go. But this is huge (and now I'm less so!). Thanks, everyone, for providing me with the encouragement and support I need to keep going.

Despite what you may think, the toughest part of this journey isn't watching what I eat. On Nutrisystem that part is easy. The hard part is keeping up with a decent wardrobe. I can't wear anything I was wearing three months ago. Well, I suppose I could tie my pants around me with a rope and go to work looking like a clown, but I don't think that would be good for my psyche and would probably undermine my progress.

When I went from a 52 inch waist to a 46, I bought a new pair of jeans and dug out an old pair of cords - the only pair of pants I'd been saving for the day I would lose weight. And I also bought a couple of 3XL shirts when the 5XL shirts I'd been wearing started to baloon on me. Now I'm getting down to a 42 inch waist and a 2XL shirt. I'm not there yet, but at this rate I should be there in about two weeks, and shopping for new clothes is probably my number one motivation at this point.

These milestones are so motivating. If anyone's reading my blog and wishes they could do the same, I just have one question - what are you waiting for? All you need to do is decide to make the change...the support is out there, and all around you. Believe me. I never thought that would be the case, but now I know from experience!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Me (at 340) with Remy and Diego

3 months on Nutrisystem and more than 60 pounds down!

I've been on Nutrisystem for three months now, and I've lost a little over 60 pounds. When I started I was optimistic, but you know, it was an optimism tempered with doubt that always reared its ugly head by the third or fourth week of starting other health plans. Somehow, though, I knew this time things would be different. And with NS, they have been. Way different.

I haven't had any difficulty staying on the program, and in fact I find it's reduced stress in my life because I now have more control over what I put into my body and can predict what will happen if I continue to eat and live my life in a healthy way. I will lose weight!

I was on the regular men's plan for a while, but now am on the vegetarian plan, mostly because it's 30 bucks cheaper each month. I do eat out a few times a week, but I stick to my special places where I can get a simple meal that fits the NS guidelines to a tee.

My favorite place to eat out is Panera. First of all, they have a Greek salad that is amazing. I ask for half the regular serving of Feta, get no dressing at all, add on grilled chicken and substitute the regular baguette with the whole grain version. I've never counted the calories on this, but it comes with plenty of veggies, plus a few black olives for my fat serving and the Feta for the protein, plus the portion size seems pretty reasonable. (Besides, I find that if I count calories too much I don't focus on what's really important, which is fueling my body for the day.)

The other reason I love Panera is that they allow dogs on the outdoor patio. At 402 pounds this wouldn't have been such a great thing - I never used to fit in those tiny patio chairs. But now I fit fine, and my dogs eat half of my multigrain baguette for me, which wittles the bread portion down to a more suitable size.

To be honest, I haven't really exercised a whole lot during these first three months, although I did increase regular activity a bit, like choosing to park farther from the door while out shopping and (sometimes) taking the stairs. Now, though, I find that I'm exercising more just because I don't think of certain things as exercise anymore. Like I take my dogs on brisk mile-long walks now instead of just taking them to the dog park. Besides being a treat for them, it's a treat for me because I save on gas and the walk tuckers them out so they aren't bouncing off the walls all evening.

Well, I'm not sure when I'll post again; we'll see when the next milestone inspires me. Till then...gotta keep on keepin' on!