Sunday, April 25, 2010

Feeling melancholic as I inch toward my goal

I haven't blogged for a while, mainly because things have been going well and I've been content with my progress. But today I'm struggling a bit. Tonight I ate a lot more than I should have, mostly because I've been feeling a bit sad. I've been focusing so much on my weight loss that I haven't been keeping up with my friendships. I've gone through a major lifestyle change in the past few months, and for the most part my friendships have been maintained over a restaurant table. This has been going on for the better part of a decade, and now I find myself eating alone most of the time.

Another possible cause of my meloncholy mood is that my weight loss has really been slowing down. Fortunately it hasn't stopped, but I'd become accustomed to at least a three or four pound weight loss every week and this week I only lost two. I'm down to 331, and even though I've come so far I still see the long road ahead and get bogged down in worry. Will I be able to do this? What's the permanent damage I've done to my body for having been so careless with my eating? These thoughts are so discouraging, and when I spend time alone they invade my thinking relentlessly.

I'm planning to go to Philadelphia in four weeks to get my cat Ciggy from a friend's house where he's been staying since I moved back to Miami at the end of last summer. I'm so excited to have my baby Cig back with me, and I think Remington and Diego will be glad to have another play buddy around the house now that I'm working out of the house again. My current short term goal is to reach 317 pounds by the date of my trip north. This would mark a full 100 pounds down from my max weight and 85 pounds on Nutrisystem. I want to wow my friends and family, and I'd really like to take advantage of the cheaper clothes prices while I'm in Pennsylvania (and also take advantage of the fact that there's no tax on clothes, either). It'll be fun to go shopping with my mom at the outlets in Lancaster, but I hope I can fit into regular XXL shirts by then. Right now I fit into Ralph Lauren XXL, but I want to be able to fit into Haggar shirts by then, since there's a great Haggar outlet there and I really need some new shirts for work.

Well, this has been a rambling blog I know, and I'm usually much more succinct with my blogging. But I had these things on my chest and just needed to get them out. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but it doesn't matter. The process is cathartic and usefull in helping me inch toward the staggared goals on my path toward achieving a healthy and sustainable weight.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Brian,

    Yes, we are reading your blog! I just came across your post through the site 'Living Oprah' and I commend you on making such great progress.

    It can be a hard road reaching our goals and sometimes we need to be reminded that we are doing well.

    You are doing an amazing job.