I'm not always forthcoming with my struggles here - I guess it's normal to want to scream "success!" from the rooftops and sweep struggles under the rug. But here goes...
On Saturday morning I weighed in at 300 pounds. I was psyched. I mean, this is really happening, I thought. It's been nearly 7 months, and even as I do this diet and exercise thing on my own without the crutch of Nutrisystem (which undoubtedly taught me everything I know during the few months I was on it in the beginning), I'm surviving without returning to my old binging ways!
Well, not so fast. Saturday night came, and I was home alone, rain was pouring outside, and I hadn't gone grocery shopping. So what do I do? I call up Domino's for the first time since I started this whole thing back in January and I order the special: two medium two-topping pizzas.
I don't know what I was thinking. Justifying it I thought, it's cheaper to buy two than to buy one, so I could just eat half of one tonight, the other half tomorrow, and give the extra pie to my neighbor, or the homeless for that matter!
Yeah right. I downed both of them within 20 minutes of them being delivered to my door. I did it with no regrets - I don't give myself guilt trips anymore. I just vowed that it was a one-time indulgence and moved on.
Sunday and Monday the scale was not so friendly, but I didn't let it bother me. Back up to 306 could've been enough to drag me back into take-out hell, but instead I went shopping in the morning and bought all the wonderful foods I've come to love, and rely on...foods I learned to eat on Nutrisystem but modified so I don't have to shell out $300 bucks every month for a massive delivery. And I got right back to it.
Today, I weighed in at 300 again. Sigh. I can breathe again knowing that I'm back on the right track. This is a mental game. That's all it is. My mind has the power to defeat me if I give in to the same negative and self-destructive thoughts that led to my decade-long weight gain in the first place. I choose to remain optimistic.
And I'm so thankful for those of you who understand this and are encouraging my progress. I couldn't do this without you! *hugs*