Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Wasted worry about eating disorders?

I'm not sure what to make of this, but for the past week or so I've been having random thoughts, like "is the feeling of hunger supposed to bother me?", and "I wonder if I'm developing a new eating disorder?"

When I first changed my diet I would get hungry late at night, too, and to combat the feeling I would eat some sugar free jello or something. Actually I would binge in it, eating four or five cups of the stuff so I wouldn't feel my stomach growl.

Back then I was counting calories and watching everything I ate, both to make sure I stayed under my allotted 1800 calories a day and also to make sure I didn't dip below 1700 calories - because eating too few calories would actually trigger my metabolism to slow down. So if I'd reached my limit by 7 p.m. I knew the hunger pains were caused by a mental hunger rather than an actual physical one. So the Jello was enough to do the trick.

Now that I'm not on Nutrisystem anymore I'm not being so strict with counting calories. I sort of feel my way through food during the day. I stick to the basic concepts and find myself satisfied throughout the day. But in the evening I'm no longer snacking after 7 p.m. like I used to. I just drink some water and ignore the rumblings in my stomach. To be honest, I kind of get off on the feeling of hunger at night. I know I can survive without that extra snack. And I know my mental fortitude will pay off when I step on the scale in the morning. So why bother?

This worries me though, because it sort of feels to me that I'm getting off on the hunger feeling in much the same way I used to get off on binging on Reese's Cups, Twizzlers and Gatorade whenever I'd get the urge late at night before falling asleep. I suppose I'm just concerned that I might be trading one eating disorder (a food addiction or impulse disorder of some sort) for another one (some sort of food deprivation game that could be a gateway to anorexia).

The only thing that keeps me from starving myself now is that I conciously know that it's unhealthy for me. I see food as a fuel, which I think is a pretty healthy way of looking at it. I need those calories, and I need the wonderfully diverse and healthy fresh diet I've been following in order to fuel my muscle-building activities in the gym.

If anyone reading this has some insight for me, or some comment in general, please feel to leave post it for me.

No comments:

Post a Comment