Friday, October 26, 2012

Confessions from my fit life: Ode to my fat skin ring

Ode to my fat skin ring
by Brian Schwarz

Like a constant unwanted companion
Echoing everything I don’t want to be
And am not
And never was
But somehow appeared to be
And acted like
That even after moving on
Stays with me to torture me
(or teach me?)
Reminding me
And making me wonder
Will you ever leave me alone?


NOTE: Sometimes I share things in this blog that I really wish I hadn't. As I prepare to hit the "publish" button now I have a feeling that this is one of those times. Still, this is part of my process, and this blog is about transparency, for my edification and (I hope) for the edification of others. I don't want to ever forget what I'm feeling tonight, as I sit here at my desk working on odds and ends and watching some Hulu TV. My entire body feels fit - chest up and waist down - but still I have this stubborn residue of a past life sitting as a ring at my mid-section. I can hide it when I stand, with good posture and clothes properly placed. But seated, it takes a gelatinous form that makes me feel as bad about my body today as I did when I weighed 420 pounds. I'm working hard to shrink it, and as I do I'm working even harder to stay positive and to learn to love my body as it is. It is a body that works. It's a body that works hard. And tomorrow it's a body that will take me on an amazing hike with a nearly 2,000-foot elevation gain, a hike that even folks without this mid-section yoke would be hard-pressed to accomplish. So I'm not ashamed to share this. In fact, I'm proud. And god-willing, this will be but a chapter of struggle in an otherwise whole book of triumph!

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