I guess I'll just have to inspire myself this time

Fifteen years ago I lost nearly 200 pounds in less than two years. It was hard, I'm not gonna lie. It took 100 percent focus and dedication. Every waking hour was filled for those two years with the realization that I alone held the key to changing my body and improving my health. I was convinced of it. I lived in the realization of it. I had a community of support, driven by my mother who bought me new clothes ever time I dropped a size, from 6XL all the way down to XL. 

Back then, I made a deal with my future self that I was going to be the man the child in me would have been had he not been forced to deal with decades of unchecked trauma. So I did it. I lost the weight. And I kept the weight of for about six years.

Then my mom died.

After that, my selfishness broke loose. I was like, FUCK YOU WORLD! I was hurting so badly on the inside that I just wanted my outside to match the ugly that I felt deep down in the core of my being. I was FUCKING PISSED! And I just ate and ate and ate and ate until I had reached the goal of destroying my body and my health so I didn't have to live so long in this world without the love that had just been ripped from my heart. 

So anyway, here I am nearly a decade later sitting in the morbidly obese shell of misery that I alone am responsible for creating. Fifteen years is a long time. I'm no longer a 30-something whipper snapper but rather a mid-50s fatty with a plethora of health issues that make every step I take 10 times harder than the steps I took the first time I hit this road a decade and a half ago.

The forecast is not all bleak, though. Fortunately, I left breadcrumbs to find my way back home to me. So this time around I have myself to inspire myself. I have a super successful journey into fitness and fabulosity to look back on. I know what works, and what doesn't. I know progress, its ups and downs and twists and turns. It's that experience that has made me the most resilient mofo I know!

I am 100 percent certain that I will be successful losing weight once again. I will do it slowly and surely, and like that turtle beating the hare, I will cross that finish line a winner.

I ain't getting any younger. It's now or never. It's go time!

By the way, I should mention that this time just like the last I am doing this without weight loss medications, without surgery, and without any money to pay trainers and coaches. Although I believe strongly that life is better when you have a coach, I cannot afford one right now so I will be my own. 

If resilience is in our nature, it is up to us to create the spark of change

Why is it so hard to start a new habit? All the intellectualizing in the world, the preparing of your physical environment, and everything else we do to set us up for success when we take on new objectives add up to a bunch of nothing until we are ready to take action. We must be more than fed up with the results of our current actions. What is it that ultimately motivates us to act? How can the intellectual recognition of our future self convert itself into action, especially when we draw so much satisfaction from inertia and status quo? 

We are all resilient, but but change remains a challenge

I have been trying to figure this out my entire life, and even though I've experienced enormous success from changing my mindset, I find myself in times of discouragement unable to act on my own best intentions. Do you ever feel this way? It's a real challenge to the human's nature which I believe is intrinsically fueled by a resilient spirit.

Tapping into that resilient spirit is the key. For some they achieve the change they desire through small incremental changes over time. And of course, this is necessary for all of us regardless of our own unique process. For me, though, it takes big changes in my environment to spark the change I see inside. 

We are all different. But never forget your natural inclination is resilience. So continue to seek your motivators while always remembering that you have the ability and all the wisdom you will ever need to guide your own life in the direction you will it to go.