Sometimes we begin a journey thinking it is only about the destination. We set a goal, make a plan, and focus on the changes we want to see. But along the way, we often discover that the journey is connected to so much more than we ever expected.
Recently, I lost 20 pounds, and one day I noticed something small but meaningful. My cheeks were getting smaller. It was a sign that my hard work was starting to show. Instead of only feeling proud of my progress, I felt a wave of emotion because I immediately thought of my mom.
My mom passed away in 2015, and learning to live without her has been one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. Grief does not simply disappear with time. It changes, it settles into different parts of your life, and sometimes it surprises you when you least expect it.
Today, standing in the bathroom mirror, I smiled and said, “I miss you, Mom.” I found myself talking to her in my mind. At first, I thought it was a little strange, but it also felt comforting. It felt like I was reconnecting with someone who had always been such an important part of my life.
Then I understood why that moment affected me so deeply.
My mom was there for one of the biggest transformations of my life.
When I was 40 years old, I lost 200 pounds. It was a life-changing accomplishment, and my mom was there through every step of that journey. She celebrated my victories, encouraged me during the difficult moments, and noticed the changes that others might have missed.
One of the things I remember most is how she would buy me new clothes whenever I dropped another size. Anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight knows how quickly clothing can become expensive when your body is constantly changing. My mom helped make that process easier, but what mattered most was not the clothes.
It was the love behind them.
She saw me.
She saw my effort. She saw my determination. She saw the person I was becoming and reminded me that my progress mattered.
After she passed away, I struggled. Over time, I gained the weight back, and I carried a lot of guilt about it. I felt like I had lost something we had worked so hard on together. I wondered if I had let myself down.
But grief changes us. Losing my mom meant losing the person who always cheered the loudest for me. She was my supporter, my encourager, and the person who celebrated even the smallest victories.
When I think about her now, I know she would not want me to carry guilt. I believe she would remind me that one chapter does not define the entire story. She would tell me that the strength it took to lose 200 pounds was still inside me.
Today, I am starting again.
This time, I am not doing it because I dislike myself or because I am ashamed of where I have been. I am doing it because I love myself enough to keep trying. I deserve to feel healthy, strong, and confident.
This journey is different because I carry my mom with me in a new way. I carry her encouragement, her kindness, and the belief she had in me.
Every pound lost and every healthy choice I make is a reminder that the person she believed in is still here.
Mom, I miss you. I wish you could see this chapter. I wish you could see my progress and celebrate with me the way you always did.
But I know you would be proud.
So I will keep going.
For myself.
For my future.
And with the love and encouragement you gave me still guiding me every step of the way.
