Sustained grieving takes its toll on mind and body

In January of 2015, I had no way of knowing that by the end of the year I would watch my mother, diagnosed with brain cancer that had spread from her lungs, whither and die before the fall. I was unprepared for the depths to which my grief would take me. 

Pre-grief Brian averaged 20 miles of trail time per week. Then, reacting in sadness, I stopped doing every healthy activity I had come to embrace and love since recording a new 200-pound weight loss a half decade before.

In January, I had no idea by August I would plunge into an 8-year grief depression

In those precursive years, I had accomplished so much; I had hiked to mountaintops and experienced the elative accomplishment of seeing breathtaking views of God's creation that very few will ever know. But in less than a year from my mother's passing, as a result of gluttony, my indulgence in grief, I would pack on more than 150 pounds.

Back on the road to recovery since the new year, I've lost 31 pounds so far this month by making major adjustments to my diet. The next step is to increase movement. Then, I'll add resistance training at the gym to reignite dormant muscle. In no time, I'll be back to climbing mountains. 

Join me on my journey by following this blog, and look for my Facebook page of the same name - MyFitLife2Day - for inspiration and motivation taken from my own experience of seeking the same.

"Where I'm From": A poem for my mom on her 65th birthday

Today would be my mom's 77th birthday. She passed away when she was just 69, from lung cancer that spread to her brain. Smoking robbed her from many years, and that has been a lesson to me to take care of myself. Life is precious. With all the temptations to self-comfort, taking care of yourself is sometimes not a priority when the world gets tough. But if I am not willing to do it for myself, I must be willing to do it for the people I love. If I have any impact on others like my mom did on me, people who love me would feel lost without me.

On my mom's 65th birthday, she asked my sister, my brother, and I to each write a poem. We were given only the prompt, "Where I'm from", and of course, we all start from one place, don't we? We are here because our mothers loved us enough to carry us in their womb and give birth to us. That is the start of it all. We are with our mothers, if we are lucky, for most of our lives. Too bad we cannot be with them in the end.

Anyway, I thought I would share this poem with you and perhaps encourage you to write your own poem for your mom inspired by the same prompt. If you do, please share it with me in the comments. I would love to know more about those who take the time to read my blog. You are the reason I keep doing it.

"Where I'm From", a poem written for my mom on her 65th birthday

QUICK CHECK IN - Fit Foods, Gym Body, and Weight Loss Goals

Here's a quick update on my progress. I'm still doing well on my caloric intake, keeping at around 2,200 calories per day and focusing on macros. I try to stick to a plan of getting 30% of my daily calories fat, 30% from protein, and 40% from carbs. I tend to eat more carbs in the morning, for energy, more fat in the mid-day, to keep me satiated, and more protein toward the end of the day, to help my muscles recover from activity and keep my metabolism going through the night.

FOOD NEWS

I prepare all of my meals at home and avoid eating out as much as possible - one meal a week is okay, but no more than that. Due to my being a novice home cook, I am finding that keeping my protein intake up while keeping my carb intake down is a struggle. Still, I am pretty much able to do it fairly consistently. 

Turmeric and garlic seasoned egg with avocado on whole grain rye

GYM BODY

I went to the gym today - joined Crunch in York - and met with a personal trainer for an orientation session. He gave me a body scan. I weighed in at 395 (Yay! I was 420 less than a month ago, so I'm doing something right.) Fortunately my muscle mass from working out and rigorous hiking in my younger days is still under all my blubber. Overall, my body composition is about 37 percent fat, which is better than expected given my weight. Apparently 247 pounds is non-fat and less than 150 pounds is fat. My BMI is about 52.

Given my current condition, I set an initial goal with the help of Crunch fitness trainer, Andrew, to get down to 50 pounds by April 20. Fittingly, since it will be 4/20, I will celebrate with a big spliff when I make it to my weight goal by that date! (I am pretty much straight edge these days, using no alcohol, marijuana, or an stimulants other than coffee, so this will be a nice celebratory treat!)

WEIGHT LOSS GOALS

Realistically, I think I'll be able to lose 60 by my April goal date, but 50 is definitely well within reach. It is going to feel amazing to be down to 345 again. I'll be able to fit into all my nice sports coats in time for Easter, and I will be feeling like a million bucks for sure! (I already feel like half a million now, just having started to see these early results from my decision to get fit.) The ultimate goal of course is to feel like a billion dollars when I get to 295 by Thanksgiving.

I would probably be able to reach 295 sooner, but in April I hope to be in the position to more aggressively increase my muscle mass as I continue to lose fat, so my actual loss of pounds will likely slow. I don't want to do things too fast, and I want to re-asses everything at 295. Eventually I would like to be under 250 - this would be healthier in the long run and also would allow me to not be held back by things like weight restrictions at water parks and such, and it would certainly give me the widest range of fashion possibilities, as I'd be at 1XL at that size. (I am currently 4X).

But, we shall see. When I lost nearly 200 pounds 10 years ago, I really did not feel like myself once I reached 255. I felt skinny, if you can believe it, and I really felt like a different person - and not in a good way. When I got back up to about 280 or 290, I felt a bit bad about gaining some weight back, but honestly I felt more like myself. So this time I will pause there to get used to things before continuing on with weight loss, if I so choose.

THANKS FOR FOLLOWING ALONG MY JOURNEY!

YouTube: Brianopolis

MyFitLife2Day: The Eating Plan

I came up with this plan more than 10 years ago, and it led to fantastic success. I lost 165 pounds following it, with some tweaking along the way to account for my increase in exercising that came naturally as I took the weight off.

I went from 420 pounds down to 255. Unfortunately, I experienced several major setbacks when my mother passed away, and I returned to my old habits of emotional, uncontrolled, and often binge eating.

Attacking Obesity takes drive, commitment, resilience - and a plan!

During that time, I only ate fast food, and as a result I gained back all the weight I had worked so hard to lose. But when I get knocked down, I get up again. So now, I am now implementing the same routine as before and fully expect to achieve similar results.

So far, I have lost nearly 25 pounds by following this eating plan, without having added exercise to the equation. However, I will start going to the gym soon, and I will document how that impacts my diet with regards to calorie consumption, energy levels, and muscle recovery.

The Plan

• Consume between 1800 and 2200 calories per day, trying to stick to the lower end but listening to my body when I need more.
• Achieve a daily goal of 30% of my calories from fat, 30% from protein, and 40% from carbs.
• Start every morning by drinking at least 16 oz. of water before eating any calories
• Drink water steadily throughout the day (64 oz./day plus 8 oz. additional for every 20 lbs. overweight)
• Consume the first meal within 30 minutes of waking up
• Spread out calories to eat 3 meals and 3 snacks, with meals averaging 300 and not exceeding more than 500 calories.
• Stack carb-dominant foods in the morning and during the day, when I need the energy most.
• At night, eat something high in protein, so my body has something to fuel my metabolism throughout the night
• Eat all my calories before 9 p.m.
• Weigh myself in the morning (daily or at least once a week) to record my dry weight and track my progress.

My Staple Foods

Carb Dominant	Fat Dominant	Protein Dominant	Vegetables
Steel cut oats	Nuts (almonds, walnuts)	Greek yogurt (whole milk)	Spinach
Dried fruits (cherries, raisins)	Seeds (chia)	Protein powder	Peas
Honey or agave nectar	Peanut butter	Chicken or turkey	Broccoli
Frozen fruit blend	Olive oil	Eggs	Brussels Sprouts
Sweet potato
Lentils, black beans, or garbanzos
Rice, quinoa
whole wheat bread